My father's legacy

It is the little acts of kindness that are remembered
Published in the Jakarta Post, Sunday, September 17, 2006

For most people, the thought of death fills a person with fear. Not so for my father. Four years before his death early this year, he had made two coffins -- one for himself and the other for my mom. Whenever people came to our house, he would proudly show the coffins to them, telling them that he did not want to trouble his children when death came.

Recounting the last minutes of my father's life, my mom said that he only asked what happened to his head as he felt a little pain. My mom came to help him put away his clothes and after drying his back with a towel, she asked him to lie down. He lay down without assistance.

During the funeral, I was amazed by the huge number of people who came and the patience with which they stayed until the end of the funeral. I wondered why the death of a simple, retired elementary school teacher had drawn so much attention.

But, it was not difficult to find the answer. I heard many comments about my father from people who came to the funeral. A group of Muslims said that my father waved to them about half an hour before his death. They were on their way home after joining a Koran reading. An elderly woman said that my father often offered her food, while a man recalled how my father was willing to attend the funeral of people he barely knew. My sister's colleagues told us that they were so impressed by my father's words. My sister works as a nurse in a hospital and her friends would meet him when my father needed some medication. My father often gave advice to them.

Listening to these little anecdotes during the funeral, we didn't have much time to mourn. We felt there was no need to be sad. Deep in our heart, we knew that the our father had a happy end. My father had left behind good deeds that had become a memorial for us. What we need to do of course is to continue praying as he had taught us. I remember spending evenings circling our house clockwise seven times when I was only six years old. As there was no electricity in the neighborhood, my father taught me not to be afraid of the dark. He also taught me to pray in our local language, stressing that God listens to prayers in any language.

I could not hold back my tears on one occasion. It was during the homily of the Requiem mass. The priest said with full conviction that my father was among the very few people in the world who was not afraid of death. He prepared his own coffin! It was a taboo for many people, but my father was such a extraordinary person. In 1961, for the first time in the area, he introduced the idea of holding death commemorations and other observances without collecting money from neighbors. In his view, people were burdened by such social norms. When a family held a death commemoration of a relative, people in the neighborhood were expected to contribute goods and/or money. The same applied for marriage ceremonies, circumcision ceremonies and the like. At that time, my father said that he expected nothing but prayers from people in the neighborhood.

In 1979, when my eldest brother was circumcised, my father said the same thing. Also when my brother got married in 1989. Many people now follow suit. I cannot imagine how hard it would be for the poor people in Menoreh, some 40 kilometers west of Yogyakarta, to maintain such practices if not for the "revolutionary" ideas of my father.

Materially, we had nothing to be proud of. As an elementary school teacher, my father was only able to send my sister and I to university. The first three children were sent to vocational schools only. And our house? An old-fashioned brick house in a hilly area. My father had no car, just an old motorcycle he bought in 1983. He left behind five heirlooms -- four daggers and a spear -- and one-and-a-half hectares of farmland.

Sure, my father was no angel. His uncontrollable temper and loud voice must have hurt others. But, all of that seemed to have been forgotten when people started talking about his good deeds -- his encouraging words, his fatherly look and welcoming face. Yes, it is the little deeds that are remembered. He is not dead, but is just sleeping somewhere else. At least that is what my mother tells us.

-- Markus Budiraharjo

How to develop writing skills

Writing skills are clearly inseparable from academic pursuit. How productive are graduate students in the world? Boice (1993) shows surprising data about the failure of academic writing accomplishment: (a) 50% of graduate students fail to write their doctoral dissertations – even if they finally finish their dissertations, they take too much time to do it; (b) 50-80% of the lecturers holding doctoral degrees fail to conduct research and publish their research papers in refereed journals.

How can it happen? There are two major reasons why writing skills are hardly acquired by academicians. Firstly, writing skills are considered as tacit knowledge which is acquired either incidentally or poorly. Many professors – who are also prolific writers – did not start necessarily their career as university lecturers. Many of them started their career as journalists. Thus, their writing skills were not necessarily trained during their tenure as professors, but were developed much earlier for the purpose of doing something else (i.e. writing for publication). Secondly, writing skills are hardly acquired because they require a high degree of hard work, creativity, open-mindedness, and perseverance. When we deal with writing, we are very likely to feel unsure whether what we are writing is acceptable for public. For those asking for direct and prompt feedback, such an unsure experience can be devastating. The writing process, which is commonly dull and tiring, is very likely demotivating for many people.

Personally speaking, writing skills are highly related to our academic pursuit and learning experience. At this point, I set to discuss my personal experience regarding my efforts to improve my writing fluency. I employ three major strategies to do so, namely learning to write from reading passages, being engaged in self-talk, and practicing writing fluency through low-stakes writing. Firstly, writing skills are inseparable from reading skills. Reading activities serve two purposes. On the one hand, reading passages provide much information that trigger my thought to develop. I obtain much information, ideas, and conceptual framework. At this point, through patiently taking notes and seeing the patterns, critically conneting what I have had in my mind to the newly-acquired information and/or concepts, I usually can monitor my comprehension. I do this critical reading as well as taking notes to ensure that I construct the knowledge that is particularly very personal for me. On the other hand, reading activities also allow me to see different discourse repertoires. I finally know well that there are different genres in the writing products. Writing for academic purposes is obviously different from writing for personal purposes. While we can put a combination of recount and personal experience in the writing for personal purposes, we must avoid as much as possible personal reference to write for academic purposes. There are a set of underlying principles that govern each type of writing.

Secondly, in addition to taking notes and identifying the discourse patterns of the passages I read, I also get engaged in what-so-called “self-talk.” This self-talk technique is in fact a way to make things visible, tangible, and highly meaningful for myself. It is also called as thinking aloud. So far, I always do it regularly since I happened to enjoy listening to my sister “thinking aloud” when she was learning. In my childhood, we spent time learning together. But soon, my sister occupied the living room with her voice, reciting facts that I did not know yet. Interestingly enough, much knowledge that I heard through her thinking aloud was still in my mind even until this day. From socio-cultural perspective, the concept of self-talk was introduced by Lev Vygotsky (1896-1934).

Thirdly, in companion to self-talk, I also get engaged in low-stakes writing, such as journal or diary writing. I do it as much as possible, using both computers and hand writing. I myself found that low-stakes writing – writing done with the purpose of expressing ourselves as well as taking notes for our personal uses – are just as powerful as learning from other people. When I get used to writing on a daily basis, I make sure that the writing fluency is strengthened.

Berharap saja tidak cukup

Memasuki pergantian hari Kamis ke Jumat bukanlah pengalaman yang menyenangkan bagiku. Itulah pengalaman pergantian hari yang sangat tidak mengenakkan. Beban dalam hidup begitu terasa berat. Terlalu berat untuk disangga. Sore itu, sepotong SMS masuk. Informasinya jelas. Dibutuhkan konfirmasi mengenai jumlah pendaftar yang hendak mengikuti wawancara untuk hari Sabtu, 3 Maret 2007.

Sepercik rasa bersalah menyusupi relung hati. Adakah aku kurang bekerja keras untuk mengundang para alumni PBI? Satu bulan yang lalu, aku ditelpon oleh Pak Marcel. Lulusan PBI era 1980-an ini membutuhkan 40-an lulusan Pendidikan Bahasa Inggris. Permintaan itu langsung aku komunikasikan kepada Pak Prast dan Bu Frida, sebagai otoritas di PBI. Tidak hanya itu, aku pun dengan cepat mengambil inisiatif untuk membuatkan rancangan kerja. Kapan pengumuman harus dikeluarkan. Kapan acara akan dilaksanakan. Dan rancangan pengumuman macam apa yang harus dipampang. Semuanya aku jalankan dengan cepat. Tidak ada alasan menunda pekerjaan. Draft pengumuman langsung aku print. Aku serahkan ke Pak Prast. Bola sudah aku umpankan ke Kaprodi.

Semuanya seakan berjalan normal. Sekalipun terjadi keterlambatan di sana-sini dalam penempelan pengumuman, tetap saja rancangan awal sudah berhasil dilaksanakan. Pengumuman dipasang. Ukurannya cukup besar. Fotokopi ukuran A3. Ditempatkan di posisi-posisi strategis. Waktu bergulir tanpa terasa. Kesibukan demi kesibukan selalu mengisi hari demi hari. Tanpa terasa, akhir bulan Februari sudah mendekat. Dan terbukti hanya tiga orang yang mendaftarkan diri.

Shock. Kaget. Kecewa. Bingung. Kenapa pengumuman tidak dibaca? Apakah anak-akan PBI memang sudah tidak perlu pekerjaan? Sehingga mereka tidak tertarik merespons pekerjaan yang dipampang dengan meyakinkan di papan pengumuman? Pertanyaan demi pertanyaan berkecamuk hebat di kepala ini. Sulit untuk dipungkiri bahwa hal itu lah yang terjadi. Sulit sekali mencari orang yang bisa mengisi pekerjaan.

Akhirnya, Pak Marcel langsung menelpon sore itu. Terbata-bata jawabanku untuk menjelaskan hal yang sangat mengejutkan ini. Ya kalau hanya tiga orang, tidak masuk akal jadinya. Padahal tiket sudah dipesan. Berbagai persiapan sudah dibuat. Skenario sudah dirancang. Kami berempat ke Jogja hanya untuk menemui tiga orang? Kami hanya minta tolong apa jalan yang terbaik. Itu saja.

Sore yang memang sudah muram oleh mendung menggelap di langit terasa makin gelap. Aku adalah orang yang paling bertanggung jawab terhadap keadaan seperti ini. Aku sendiri memang belum pernah berhadapan dengan urusan undang-mengundang macam ini. Di satu sisi, aku merasa memiliki hak untuk tidak merasa perlu bersalah. Tapi, hati kecilku langsung berteriak protes. Enggak bisa dong menyalahkan ketidakpengalaman sebagai sumber masalah. Ya … aku memang tidak punya pilihan lain kecuali mengaku belum berjuang cukup untuk bergerilya mencari para alumni.

Akhirnya, dengan berbagai macam cara, aku coba hubungi satu persatu nomor bekas mahasiswa. Suasana ketermendesakan memaksaku untuk lebih asertif. Telpon fleksiku terasa memanas. Waktu air-time tidak aku pedulikan. Penjelasan panjang lebar. Permohonan dengan sangat, lagi hormat untuk menghadiri acara pada hari Sabtu 3 Maret 2007. Intinya, aku memohon kesediaan mereka untuk masih peduli dengan nama PBI sebagai almamater mereka. Jumat siang yang diwarnai dengan hujan lebat membuatku memiliki waktu lebih banyak untuk menelpon. Ada yang sudah di Bali. Ada yang di Jakarta. Ada yang kembali ke kampung halaman di Pekalongan. Ada yang sudah bekerja. Jawaban yang aku dapatkan sangat beragam. Tapi aku sendiri merasa mengalami pembelajaran yang banyak. Mencoba untuk bernegosiasi via telpon. Berusaha untuk authoratitative dengan menembak sisi afektif-emosional yang telah mereka bangun selama mereka ngangsu kawruh di PBI.

Tibalah hari H. Sabtu 3 Maret 2007 ternyata menjadi waktu yang paling membahagiakan. Ada perasaan accomplished yang begitu membanggakan. Dengan berbagai upaya dari Pak Prast, Bu Frida, dan aku, dan tentu saja dengan berbagai bantuan dari berbagai pihak, akhirnya tercatat ada 33 alumnus yang datang. Rasa syukur terasa merayapi hati ini. Bahwa perjuangan selama dua hari ternyata membawa buah manis. Di sana ada harapan. Optimisme. Saling memahami. Saling menguatkan. Aku merasa telah berbuat sesuatu untuk orang lain. Seberapapun kecil ukurannya. Rasa capek karena beban dan juga tanggung jawab untuk mengikuti rapat JETA menjadi terusir dengan sendirinya.

Satu pelajaran berharga yang aku dapatkan dari pengalaman ini adalah: tidak ada tempatnya bagi kita bila hanya berhenti pada berharap-harap saja. Sebuah pencapaian merepresentasikan serangkaian usaha, komitmen, dan juga konsistensi. Sebuah pencapaian memang tidak bisa dilepaskan dari sisi-sisi seperti itu. Pencapaian pada titik tertentu akan menjadi landasan untuk sebuah kredibilitas. Kredibilitas adalah pengakuan bahwa kita telah memiliki bermacam-ragam alasan yang mengesahkan bahwa kita sesungguhnya layak untuk dipercaya. Dan itu hanya bisa diraih oleh sepotong hati yang bermental rela belajar terus-menerus.

Keluar dari sarang

Malam baru mulai beranjak menua ketika motorku mencapai tempat parkir. Jarum jam masih menunjukkan angka tujuh lebih tiga puluhan menit. Mataku nyalang menjumpai sosok Pak Prast yang sedang siap-siap menyetarter motor. Kenapa harus naik motor? Kenapa tidak jalan kaki? Pertanyaanku berbuah kesepakatan. Kami akan jalan kaki ke Jogja Plaza Hotel. Di tempat itu kami akan makan malam. Kami berdua diundang Pak Marcel, seorang alumnus PBI yang sekarang menjadi Pembantu Rektor IV di Universitas Katholik Atma Jaya Jakarta. Sosok dari pribadi pak Marcel, dengan tubuh ceking, dengan tinggi sekitar 161 cm, membuat kita tergoda untuk memunculkan satu penilaian tertentu, yang harus diakui memang gampang-gampang sulit. Di lihat dari segi fisiknya, barangkali memang tidak ada yang terlalu istimewa. Namun, segudang pengalaman administratif sebagai pejabat teras di lingkup perguruan tinggi, dan juga pengalaman akademis dari sosok yang hampir jadi professor ini, tentu akan memberi nuansa lain. Mendengar beragam cerita darinya sepertinya mendengarkan seorang sosok yang terbang tinggi di langit ketujuh. Begitu meyakinkan. Begitu penuh perhitungan. Begitu banyak ide. … dan kami … dua sosok kroco dari PBI … tidak ada apa-apanya …

Pertemuan makan malam tersebut dihadiri oleh delapan orang. Dua tamu lain dari UAJ Yogyakarta. Sementara team dari Pak Marcel sendiri terdiri dari empat orang. Sekalipun berdelapan, aktor utama hanya dua. Pak Marcel dan Pak Peter. Mereka berbicara dengan begitu ringan. Celotehan sana-sini yang mencerminkan keragaman pengalaman profesional. Mereka terbiasa dengan hubungan dengan berbagai kedutaan. Diskusi begitu padat dengan berbagai konsep tentang hubungan universitas dengan berbagai sumber-sumber dana. Tidak dipungkiri, 60% dari diskusi serius itu dibumbui dengan berbagai istilah dan isu-isu miring. Terkesan jorok. Seronok.Tapi itu lah manusiawi. Dan hal itu pulalah yang memang dinikmati. Tanya-jawab begitu cepat, dan kami berdua memang tidak punya pilihan lain. Kami hanya bisa ternganga oleh kerumitan dan juga strategi pemecahan masalah yang diambil. Mengapa tidak mencari bantuan tenaga pengajar dari Australia? Mengapa tidak minta bantuan tenaga profesor dari Amerika? Kenapa justru pilihannya ke India, Filipina, Rusia, dan China? Kenapa kok justru mau buka stand Rusia di Atmajaya? Mengapa tidak Chekoslovakia? Dan seterusnya, dan seterusnya.

Malam betul-betul sudah renta ketika kami keluar Hotel. Namun, dalam temaramnya lampu malam, kami masih cukup waspada untuk menghindari genangan air. Toh, sekalipun fisik merasakan kecapekan luar biasa, pikiran ini terus diganggu oleh berbagai pengalaman yang unik. Makan di restoran hotel, dengan situasi yang sangat berbeda dengan kebiasaan kami makan, memberi kesan tersendiri. Sekalipun aku sendiri mulai merasa tidak terlalu asing dalam situasi seperti ini. Bertemu dengan berbagai macam orang, terutama ketika ikut kunjungan ke San Francisco dan Chicago Desember 2006 lalu, dan menikmati makan di restoran dengan biaya yang tidak terbayangkan untuk kocek seorang dosen USD, memang telah memberi bekas yang sangat nyata bagiku. Di antara langkah-langkah kami menuju parkir motor di dalam area USD, terbersit kesadaran yang mendalam. Kami-kami yang ada di USD adalah sosok-sosok yang kuper … kurang pergaulan. Masih terasa betul kesenjangan antara hakekat di dunia luar dengan kemampuan dan ketrampilan yang kami punyai. Kami adalah bayi-bayi yang masih belum memiliki pengalaman berhubungan dengan berbagai realitas. Kami sadar, bekerja dengan loyalitas yang tinggi dan mengabdikan diri seutuhnya di USD dengan mengikuti dan melestarikan tradisi-tradisi yang sudah mapan tidak lah cukup untuk memastikan bahwa USD akan tetap diperhitungkan di kalayak profesional. USD butuh orang-orang yang mempunyai hati untuk menertawakan kebodohan diri sendiri. Dengan demikian orang ini memiliki kehendak untuk merombak tatanan-tatanan yang justru mengungkung perkembangan.